


the 'I don't belong here' feeling

by bishopsknifepatrick



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: all joe, joe has feelings too, prehiatus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-18
Updated: 2017-11-18
Packaged: 2019-02-03 19:50:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12755028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bishopsknifepatrick/pseuds/bishopsknifepatrick
Summary: Joe's perspective as the band he once loved is crashing to the ground and all his feelings can't be helped anymore.





	the 'I don't belong here' feeling

**Author's Note:**

> um is this a piece of literature or a cry for help? at this point, I don't know.

Walking through the halls of the studio felt like a chore. Doing anything these days felt like a chore. It all gave that ‘I don't want to do anything but hey I gotta for some shit reason’ feeling. 

His friends were his friends, yeah. At least that’s what he chose to believe for now, but sometimes it almost felt as though they were a group of people paid to like him. They were there, but did they really give a shit about him? 

He’d watch Pete and Patrick sit down and write a song. Now, that wasn't always a serene experience. They’d yell and scream at each other, and he swore he saw them a few punches thrown back and forth between the two. If he did the same thing with either one of them or even Andy, would they still like him? Probably not was Joe’s only plausible answer. 

Trying to comment his opinion on a song was practically pointless as that was either met with them saying ‘yeah sure’ but it ending with his contribution to be nowhere in sight or even him being downright ignored. 

Your friends are supposed to be the people you tell everything to, but what if all you see when you look at them is how much you aren't like them? Or how much they likely resent you? All you see is people who have someone they care about more than they have or will ever care about you. 

Joe didn't need constant attention, but to be appreciated for his work every once in awhile would be a slight confidence boost. 

This isn't to say there was never moments where he felt included, thankful and loved, but that that feeling he got when he felt comfortable was never consistent. 

He sometimes imagined what it might be like to disappear. Would anyone notice? He wanted to say yes, but a little part of him knew it wouldn't affect anyone very much. 

He was missing that belonging feeling he so desperately wanted. 

The side effects of this were he couldn't tell if they were doing this out of spite or they just truly didn't realize what was happening. He wanted to call them out at times or even just straight up walk out, but he knew he'd resent it immediately and feel like a complete asshole. 

In all honesty, sometimes he couldn't tell if he felt worthless or jealous. When a interview title shows up and says “Fall Out Boy talk about….” and the only members of the band that were there was Pete and Patrick, he didn't know whether to think “My name doesn't deserve to be there anyway” or instead “Why isn't my name there? This is bullshit.”

He knew he was the one on the outside looking in. He knew h-

“Hey Joe,” Patrick said, as Joe entered their studio. 

“Hey Patrick,” Joe said, grinning as he tossed his backpack on the couch they shoved in there. The other two men arrived right after and they began shifting through the loads of notes.


End file.
